27th December 2020

 Nurturing our Children and Ourselves

The verb nurture is derived from latin, meaning “to suckle” or “to nourish”.

Each of us are born with our unique genetic blueprint (nature), which is then expressed through the environment(nurture).

Grow to nurture looks at the holistic approach of not only nurturing our children, but ourselves as unique individuals. Nurturing ourselves is an essential part of our parenting journey, to continually regenerate the warmth of our soul. Our soul’s warmth is then transparent to our children, thus brings us into deep connection with our children.

How do we Nurture oneself? How do we Nurture our children?

If we think about children as ‘sense organs’, children receive impressions from their environment, and caregiver and then the child’s body responds with movement. There are 12 senses which evolves, as a child grows older. Theses include: the sense of touch, sense of life, sense of self-movement, sense of balance, sense of ego/individuality of the other, sense of thought, sense of language/speech and sense of hearing. We will go into further detail about each of the senses in another blog, as they should be given respect for their important role to all human beings. The senses are like our gateway to our World in which we live. If our senses as a child are nurtured we have the ability to reach self determination, to follow our soul’s purpose in life. When we have perceived our world as a child as a safe, loved, respected, trusted and happy one., we then have the ability to reach our fullest potential as individuals.

I like to think as nurturing as a 2-way partnership and investment . If we as parents can nurture ourselves we can pass on the gift of nurturing to our children. This is achieved through parents being a role model of nurturing, in which children will imitate and thus not only nurture themselves but have a nurturing relationship with others.

Children need us to show them nurturing through:

1: Understanding and sensitively observe our child of the developmental stage they are in. We need to respect and trust that stage rather than trying to fast track it. If a child is in the crawling stage but not yet sitting by themselves let that be and support the child’s current stage. Their sense of movement, sense of life, sense of touch and sense of balance will all be disrupted if we don’t follow their own developmental timetable.

2: Encourage your child to express his/her feelings; respect those feelings. Don’t try and distract, change, fix how your child is feeling. Let them experience all emotions/experiences of pain, fear, anger and anxiety. As parents our job is to try and look for the root trigger of these feelings to enable us to show empathy and support. i.e. Is our child hungry? Is our child tired? Has our baby just heard a loud noise and now upset? Role model other ways to express anger rather than using physical/emotional harm.

3: Promote mutual trust and respect. Let your child be an initiator, an explorer and a self-learner and trust them that they need this particular experience for their personal growth. Provide our full undivided attention, that is free from interruptions and a non-judgmental place that honours their point of view even If we disagree. We need to speak to our children with respect and kindness and inform our children of what we are about to ‘do’ with them i.e. nappy change. Involve/ask for participation of your child in a caregiving activity.

4: Provide an environment for children that is physically safe, cognitively challenging (particular open-ended play objects/ nature environments) and emotionally nurturing (touch, warmth etc).

5: Slow down and be in the present with children. Children give us this special gift back, that we have often lost as adults in our busy lifestyles that we lead. Observe and allow time for our baby/child to answer or participate in a task. To be fully present with our children we need to be in a space free of distractions i.e. TV, phone, computer.

6: Be your authentic self. Actions/words come from a place that Is of complete genuineness and truth. Instead of bribes, white lies etc as these methods encourage extrinsic motivation of a child and dishonesty on our part as a parent.

7: An environment that incorporates Rhythms assist a child through all their senses to feel safe and secure not only with their attachment carer but also environment. A simple bedtime rhythm involving things such as a book, massage, blessing, gratitude can all deepen your connection/attachment with your child.

8: Invest in Self-Care/self transformation. Self-care/self transformation although it’s listed as number 8, I strongly feel it is the most important essence of nurturing that a parent can show to a child. When we value ourselves our children can internalise this value and make it one of their own. Take a warm bath or have a cup of tea. Both of these activities support your sense of warmth. I would also just like to identify that when we are doing all of the above nurturing opportunities to our children, we are also nurturing ourselves. i.e. How often do we just stop what we are doing and give our undivided attention to our children or observe them. By us stopping we are relaxing our bodies and giving our sense of life some well deserved calm. Self transformation is an ongoing journey through the chapters of life that change continually i.e. when you become a mum/parent a new chapter begins. Challenges that may arise requires self growth in order to meet this new chapter in life. When we feel in alignment with ourselves, the rest is simple and not an everyday hardship/battle.

Nurturing has amazing benefits to facilitate positive brain development in children, increased empathy and self esteem, better attachments/relationships and healthy conflict resolution and fewer mental health problems as adults.

I will now leave you with this thought….

“In life we need to nurture, but we also need to be nurtured. Trouble brews when we forget to nurture ourselves, and those we profess to love” Christine Spring

Much Love,

Kate XX

February 8th 2021

Who am I

I’ve often pondered around this question of who am I ?

Before my children were born I was a registered nurse, a midwife and a maternal and child health nurse. Then my first child was born, and I was a mum for the first time. After a few more years I was a mum of two children and more recently a mum of three and a wife to my husband. I had a lot of titles attached to me, however I still wondered Who am I? What is my Identity? Am I just a title?

I have a physical body that allows me to get from A to B.

I have a cognitive mind, that allows me to think.

I am a spiritual being.

The answer to my question of Who am I, I now have realised has always been there within me but trapped in a sense. Through my journey of self transformation recently, and one that is continually evolving, there lay my answer.

I like to think of my identity a bit like a slow cooker full of personal values, beliefs, passions, characteristics and emotions about how we think about ourselves and the World, and how the World sees us.

I found that it wasn’t until I had become a mum and realised that my identity was impacted and challenged by my children. So I went on this journey to find and get back my old identity, but to my surprise I chose to embody a new identity in a way, but one that was within my heart’s soul.

Now I often find myself glued to an article/podcast/book about something that is holistic in nature and about self transformation.

Breathwork, meditation, gratitude journelling, yoga and daily affirmations have helped me in my journey and now a daily rhythm within me. These important tools have allowed me to change the way I see myself, which in return have modelled to my children a happier, calmer and self love mama. A gift now I can be proud of to pass onto my children.

Although I feel my identity remains like a continual construction, that sometimes is not like a glamorous makeover but a jackhammer and challenging me constantly. I’m grateful to be on the right path which is my path.

At times I can say I did not love myself, I tried to please others and be someone else. I now take full responsibility of my happiness and allow and accept myself for me. To love myself, to have my own opinions and beliefs and accept that others may not agree with me, but I’m ok with that. I choose to stay true to my authentic self, which I call my identity.

Much Love,

Kate xx

March 22nd 2021

Nurturing Touch

‘So the child learns life within human arms. it learns to eat… to laugh, to play, to listen, to watch, to dance, to feel frightened or relaxed, in human arms’ Margaret Mead, on balinese childrearing practices.

Childrearing practices vary in different cultures. Some are more hands on/touched/baby worn/co-sleep i.e. balinese, Kung San. Other cultures like their child to be ‘independent’ to be able to self-soothe, sleep in a crib, strapped in bouncers or in prams.

The verb touch refers to- to bring a bodily part into contact with especially so, as to perceive through the tactile sense: handle or feel gently usually with the intent to understand or appreciate. When a mum is holding/rocking their child, a mum can understand what their child needs in a more precise and intimate connection.

The first sense of life an infant receives is touch. The supporting hands from a midwife/Doctor/family member or at times mum, touches the infant and welcomes them into the earthly existence. I would hope that the baby is bought onto their mum’s bare chest with skin-to-skin contact. The baby’s temperature, heart rate, safety, stress levels, hunger needs are all regulated on their mum’s bare chest. For at least the first 1 hour a mum should have uninterrupted skin-to-skin time. There is no need to wipe a baby clean and be wrapped. This practice that I’ve seen all too many times, robs a mum and baby of important co-regulation/bonding opportunities.

Today societal views on touch vary depending on the culture/environment in which one lives. Depending on the era your parents were born in, who you speak to or what you have read, you may find contradictive advice. If we take a look back in time and examine where these views have stemmed from, it helps us to reframe these views into a place that stems from a mothers intuition and our genes. Views around touch such as ‘don’t spoil’ ‘don’t cuddle too much’ ‘cry it out’ ‘it will form a habit’ ‘let him be independent’ ‘your infant manipulates you’ all come from an ancient time, from so call American child development specialists. Studies that they have undertaken on a small population scale, which cannot be judged as satisfactory evidence or advice.

The Japanese call the mother-infant bond as ‘Skinship’. The mother carries her baby for long periods on her back, prolongs breastfeeding, co-bathes, and sleeps with her infant until he reaches age five. Similarly the Kung and Eskimo mother, carries her baby skin-to-skin.

Touch/holding/rocking provides sensory nourishment for our baby through our odor (olfactory), our sounds and our face. The infant gets gustatory stimulation from the feel, smell, and taste of our skin and, if we nurse, of our milk, and vestibular stimulation from the gentle rhythmicity of our movements.

The infant is in their physical body when born i.e. a sense- like organ that processes everything that comes from our environment. The mother nurtures her child through touch, through holding, rocking, co-sleeping, baby-wearing. All of which provides a sense of life for an infant that is filled with love, connection, safety, warmth and interdependence.

Today to be a mum in our society it feels a bit like a maternal tug-of-war. Some Child developmental experts and the older generation that have been subjected to mal adaptive views, still provide the advice of this mal adaptive practice of touch deprivation. This can place pressure and a sense of failure if a mum decides to trust her intuition and co-sleep or rock her baby to sleep for example.

I think it is important to point out that our village support for mums has changed over time. The Kung tribe all support each others children, and at times even feeds other children of that village. When the mum is at work- harvesting crops etc, her infant is on her back and her older children are usually back with their aunts, friends and grandmothers back in the village. Today as a mum we do not have that village of support. A lot of our own parents work, may live in a different state etc and we may feel we have to go back to work for financial security.

Therefore it’s not reasonable to expect a mum to baby wear their child all day, like the Kung mothers. I would also like to point out that as a mum of three little boys I’ve had the feeling more than once of feeling ‘touched out’ and wanting to have my own personal space. I believe it’s a balance of your intuition of nurturing your child through the touch sense. It’s not about what others think is correct. Societal views are constantly changing, however your intuition and your unique soul hold higher meaning to your connection with your child.

Trust yourself as a mum and please please don’t listen to the old views of ‘cry-it-out’, ‘Don’t spoil him’ and ‘his manipulating you’, as all of theses views have damaging effects to your child and do not actually align with motherly instincts that come from your own true self.

Hold your baby in your arms, rock your baby to sleep, co-sleep with your baby if that is what comes naturally to you as a mum.

Much love,

Kate xx

4th June 2021

Navigating the world of sleep

“Most baby ‘sleep problems’ are not because babies sleep like babies, but because we expect them to sleep like adults” Sarah Rockwell-Smith.

When you become a mum for the first time, you may find many obstacles to jump across or at times get tangled within. Sleep is one obstacle that you may feel trapped within.

There is so much information out there coming from you in all directions i.e. your own parents/extended family, midwives, Doctor’s, friends, maternal and child health nurses, social platforms and the list goes on.

How do you know who to listen to? How do you know what is right or wrong?

When I became a mum for the very first time, boy did I feel overwhelmed with all the opinions of other people, even though I had a wealth of knowledge myself already. I seemed to have lost the trust in myself to know what to do. It seems so ironic that we listen to others more so than to trust ourselves, as we have carried, birthed and spend 24 hours a day with our child.

But when we become a mum we have all sorts of things happening for us like hormonal changes, changes in our relationship, changes to our physical body, we may have pain, we may be severely sleep deprived and the list continues. We seek out wisdom from others to solve our baby’s ‘sleep problems’. We may hold expectations of what it will be like to have a baby through stories or knowledge that has been passed down from others to us. Sometimes however this wisdom can be a downfall within our authentic self, rather than trusting that we bear the answers within us, rather than someone else.

When I became a mum 4.5 years ago now, I had a lot of expectations of what it was going to be like to have a baby and those expectations were soon challenged dramatically with my first born. He had severe silent reflux and was medicated, my husband and I walked and walked the house with him, particularly at night to try and settle him. I was utterly exhausted and fell into postnatal depression. This is where my journey as a mama started to really begin I’d say. I started a journey of inner self discovery, a journey that has kept going still 4.5 years later with another two children.

When you have a baby everyone asks you Is your baby sleeping through yet? If your baby is not like my babies never had, then you may get a sense of inner failure in a way. Through self discovery I have changed this inner demon talk to myself and have started to appreciate and trust my own intuition and the way in which I want to parent- How I want to support my children with sleep.

Throughout my time as a mama and a maternal and child health/midwife I have been told or read many things about sleep. Some include: don’t rock your baby to sleep you will form a habit, put your baby in the cot or bassinet to sleep only, just leave them alone in their own room and let them cry, it won’t hurt them, your baby is manipulating you, your baby needs to learn to self-soothe, try and put your baby down half dazed, don’t breastfeed overnight when they reach a certain age, don’t breastfeed to sleep and try and resettle your baby whilst still in the cot.

As I look back 4.5 years a go now, I in fact have tried a few of these so call ‘good sleep techniques’. I remember though a feeling inside of me when I was doing these techniques that felt foreign, wrong and went against my own intuition and the way I actually wanted to parent. I had formed a lot of guilt around using some of theses techniques, however have since discovered self compassion and self love and I was able to reframe this guilt into a positive state.

when we look at the topic of sleep it covers such a large umbrella of smaller topics within. It seems to be a topic that a lot of mamas have struggled with throughout their parenting journey. My three boys are all very strong willed/free spirited children, that since coming earth side to this World have had a love for life over sleep. I have accepted this, I have accepted them for who they are and I have accepted the evolutionary developmental impacts on sleep.

The way I approach sleep is by looking at pillars that may affect a baby or child’s sleep. I don’t approach sleep as a ‘fixed or concrete’ style. I don’t recommend a certain way to ‘fix’ your child’s ‘sleep problem’. I use a holistic approach encompassing:

1: mother’s health & wellbeing including inner self discovery, trusting ones intuition & self care.

2: the external World of the child (the 12 senses & nurturing these).

3: Education on unrealistic expectations of sleep i.e. baby vs adult sleep cycle, different feeding methods & impacts on sleep, genetics, sleeping environments- co-sleeping vs alone sleeping.

4: Rhythms that can support sleep.

5: Developmental changes that occur that may impact on sleep i.e. teething, physical milestones.

We are all different, we all have different needs, we all have different timeframes. Instead of looking at the one style fits all approach and ‘fixing the sleep problem’, we need to instead approach sleep with empathy, compassion and honour individuality.

I do agree that at times sleep can be influenced by other factors I.e medical conditions such as food allergies, which are generally the underlying trigger of reflux and medical advice is warranted.

I am now in a place of more self authenticity and trust my own parenting approach. We co-sleep with all our children & I rock and feed my youngest to sleep. For me and my children this works just perfect for us. I invite all of you to trust your intuition and trust your child's sleep needs. Smile at other people’s opinions and thank them, but don’t them radiate into your authentic self. Your way will be just perfect for you and your child.

Much Love,

Kate xx

3rd September 2021

Feminine & Masculine Energy role in Motherhood

“Vulnerability is the most transformative, life-changing and life-affirming aspect of the divine Feminine” - Freya Dwyer

Pregnancy, labour and motherhood I would say is one of the most vulnerable times of a woman’s life. Emotional, physical and spiritual factors can all contribute to this vulnerability we can feel as a mum.

We have two options when faced with a vulnerability in our life that is to either surrender or defend.

When I first became a mum nearly 5 years ago now, I would say I’m a very different mum to that now. I tended to be more on the surrender side. I trusted others opinions more so than myself, even though I had a wealth of knowledge myself. Everything seemed so foreign to me becoming a mum and I thought I best just follow what others do and say.

However, I was becoming very rigid in the way something should be, I just wanted goals to be achieved i.e. baby asleep, housework done etc and just a life that was no longer spontaneous or creative, like I remembered it to be. I fell into a pit of sadness, that seemed very difficult at that time to get out of.

It wasn’t until fairly recently that I came across these terms of feminine and masculine energies that was a game changer for me. How fascinating it was to find that these energies often change when we become a mum, without us really realising, until we are in that pit of sadness.

Before becoming a mum I had a lived a life with flow, I embraced my creative desires through crafts, was playful and fairly attuned to my inner being (but could have been better). I enjoyed life a lot and the spontaneous nature of it.

Then when I became a mum I found that it all switched and became out of whack. I started to be very goal orientated, wanting things to just get done, pushing forward, fast paced, overworked, burnt out, fragmented and exhausted. There was no longer any of this playful side to me, which made me felt ashamed and saddened by.

My feminine energies prior to motherhood had somehow got taken over by the masculine dominated energies. I was out of balance within my inner being and felt lost and not myself.

This imbalance at the time, without really knowing what these energies were causing me to feel, sent me on a path of defending my inner self. A transformative path back to my authentic self and Devine feminine being.

I was no longer taking on other’s opinions as my own, I was starting to trust my inner intuition and take that chance to be vulnerable. Yes it felt like a scary and unruly time, however it was the most exhilarating time of my life. I found myself back and just so much more I have learnt about my strength, courage, what I stand for, emotions and the meaning of life itself.

I started to regain my feminine energies back by:

1: Meditating and reflecting back on my inner self.

2: I forgot about the strict routines I had set up for myself and got lost in nature again. Parks, ocean & forest are all environments for the feminine to rise up.

3: I became creative again. I started to join in with my children doing wet-on-wet painting, drawing, dreaming up of creative new ideas for my business and dancing and being playful again.

4: I started to hone in to my emotions and listening to how my body felt and what it needed i.e. If I needed rest, then that is what I did, I lowered expectations and I would leave the chores.

5: I started to place more value on spontaneous moments in life, playfulness, downtime, connection, slower paced life and living in the present moment.

6: I started to do things I used to love doing read books, listen to music (not just in the car), yoga and crafts.

I believe that this imbalance that made me fall into this pit of sadness, forced me to make this transformation. Things in my life was no longer working for me. I had to be vulnerable and say goodbye to the old and welcome the new.

I didn’t want to stay stagnant anymore, I wanted to do me in life.

Ask yourself today whether you may be falling in this pit of sadness?

What can you do to lift your feminine energies to bring it back into balance again?

Mum life can be so very fast paced, goal orientated, structured and competitive and leave us feeling very empty at times.

Take the plunge and become vulnerable, become accountable for your true inner being, as you’re worth it mama.

Much Love,

Kate xx